Fear
by Clarice Sansnom
Summary: Akihito is still traumatised from Hong Kong, even eight months afterwards. As he stays home alone one evening, his fears catch up to him and leave him with nothing more to live for. Will Asami be there to save him in time? Short oneshot, warnings: brief mention of violence. PLEASE REVIEW! I d love your opinions!


The light above the sink seemed to make the metal surface even gloomier than usual. Akihito stared down into the half emptied rice bowl he had just flooded as the feeling of the wet coolness on his fingers made his right hand tremble slightly. Not again, he thought to himself, almost whispering it out to keep his wretched soul from tormenting him again. He had no strength left for another round of tears, he was incapable of going through it again.

Grabbing his hand firmly to stop the tremor he turned around and took a deep breath. He shook the images out of his head and - this time for real - hissed to himself: "I hate these home alone nights."

He shouldn´t have talked Asami into leaving him without a guard. He had known from the very beginning it would turn out to be a bad idea. Well, now he would have to lie in the bed he had made himself there.

Trying to calm down his breathing, he decided to just let the TV keep him company. As he turned it on, a random channel was presenting late news, something about foreign politics. Akihito was grateful for the distraction. He leaned back into the fabric of the comfortable sofa, when a familiar face flashed over the screen.

Akihito felt the air drain from his lungs in distress. He had just gotten rid of the images in his head, having this face now burn itself into his eyes hit hard onto his chest. In agony he watched Mikhail getting arrested and led out of a building into a car, surrounded by cameras and paparazzi. Akihito felt flashes of memories run through his mind, he noticed his stressfully shaking hand when he heard his phone ring.

Asami´s name was displayed on the screen. Akihito couldn´t breathe. If he answered now, Asami would come rushing home to him, never leaving him alone again. Akihito needed to protect his freedom. Even if it meant suffering through another night in distress.

He ignored the ringing phone and scuffed into the bedroom, already feeling the tears shoot into his eyes. It always cost him so much energy. His body would make him cry manically for hours once he was trapped in his emotions.

They had done such violent things to him, he had been raped and beaten, wrangled and shot, and he had always been defenceless. Fear clambered up his spine with cold goosebumps as he stood in the bedroom, deeply sobbing.

What if Yuri was in Tokyo as well? What if they had come to kill him, or worse, to take him away again and sell him?

Akihito felt his facial muscles clench painfully as he fell to his knees to face Asami´s side of the bed. If only he had picked up the phone. If only he hadn´t fought to be alone that night. In only he could be in his lover´s arms to comfort him.

He dug his nails into the bed sheets, letting the tears drop into the soft carped beneath him. His whole body shook with anxiety. If only he had picked up the damn phone.

His body continued to torment him with the cries until his mouth went dry and his arms had no muscle strength any more. He was exhausted. Still, he was crying, shaking from head to toe and clenching the sheets. He couldn´t go on like this. Twice a week he would cry out his heart over hours and hours and nothing could help. They had hurt him too much. He would never recover from it. What a life was he facing? One in tears and cold sweat, never being able to be away from Asami for a single night?

His lover had spent the last eight months watching out for him, he had completely neglected his business over him. What happened when Asami needed to go on a business trip again and he couldn´t take Akihito with him?

He wouldn´t be able to ever be free in this life again. Not from himself. Not from the attacks. Not from his fears. He would never again be truly free.

Before Akihito knew what he was doing, he grasped the gun from Asami´s bedside table and shakily pointed it at his right temple. He needed to stop this. He couldn´t go on like this. It was too much. He had no strength left.

The young man took a deep breath. He closed his eyes. Only a moment and it would be over.

When he pulled the trigger there was absolute silence.

* * *

As he stood motionless in the doorframe, Asami´s heart stopped for a moment. He heard the noise, the unforgiving click of an unloaded gun. As Akihito´s eyes opened and met his own, he let out a breath of pure excruciation dissolving into the biggest relief he had ever felt in his entire life. He ran over to the boy and collapsed over his small frame.

Bitterly sobbing, Akihito turned around slightly, letting the gun drop onto the floor. He grabbed Asami´s collar and pulled him closer with his last strength.

Asami encaged the boy in his strong arms, knowing his strength would soon give in, as it always did when he had a bad night. He should not have left him alone. He should not have let him convince him. He should not have left guns on bedside tables, for god´s sake.

As Akihito looked up into his lover´s eyes he finally realised what he had just attempted to do. Asami´s usually cold golden eyes were now darkened in outright fear, staring at him in torment.

Still crying, he tried to say: "I didn´t want kill myself, Asami. I´m sorry." But from his sore throat came only half of it in an audible volume.

Asami understood.

"Good", he said. "I will not allow you to take away the one thing I can´t live without."

The words rang Akihito awake. "What?", he asked in disbelieve.

"I said I will never let you go." Asami´s look returned to a more unreadable expression again. "You belong to me, never forget that. No one takes what is mine."

"No, you said you couldn´t live without me."

"Yes, I did. So don´t you dare, Akihito. Don´t you dare to kill us."

Akihito closed his eyes and gave in to the strong arms of his lover. His body felt weak and exhausted. He still trembled and felt the cold tears on his cheeks.

"Protect me, Asami. From everything that could harm us. I am so afraid."

"I will. Always."

Asami lifted the skinny body from the floor and into the bed, then quickly took off both their clothes and slipped between the cooling sheets right next to his boy.

He sighed in relief as he held the weak, almost tiny frame very close to warm him up again. Neither Yuri nor Mikhail would now ever harm this wonderful creature again. He had made sure of that.


End file.
